Happy New Year!

"Auld Lang Syne"

With Christmas over and a January 23 election looming on the horizon brighter than Stephen Harpers cluesless blue eyes. In keeping with tradition of many Canadaian's who take advantage of the after Christmas specials to clean up on cheap, used or slightly damaged discount goods, here is my list of polital gifts for this years crop of candidates. Please hum along with the music as you read, this could be the last song some of these candidates hear at this years dance, unless someone requests the less tasteful but yet more appropriate "a**hole" song.

Stephen Harper gets a pair of tweezers to remove that protruding stick from his backside and a copy of a copy of Machiavelli's The Prince. A world map to show him that Canada isn't a northern European welfare state , a copy of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, constitutional law textbooks. A dream catcher because we all know what he would use that for because he just keeps on dreaming. A brain from the wizard!

Paul Martin: A dictionary, to look up the word "hyprocrite, a big kiss from Bono. A Canadian flag so he could pass it on to his sons who now control Canada Steamship Lines. Maybe they could re-raise it on one of the ships that Paul gave a flag of convenience. A giant box of bandages as a little memento for him to hold up high and remind people of all the cuts he made to programs in the '90s, such as health care, military spending, housing etc. Tea and crumpets at Jean Chrétien's house. A new shovel because his is certainly broke from all the crap he's been throwing around. A heart from the wizard!

Jack Layton: A clue and some new flip-flops, he has been going through these like crazy! An old copy of the Communist Manifesto, so he and the NDP can quit hiding there roots. One night's free stay at any hospital in Canada. Courage from the Wizard!

Gilles Duceppe: English muffins and a copy of "You Know Your a Redneck When", so he can quit lying about his roots. The new Larousse Dictionary, the one with definitions for "separation," "independence" and "sovereignty association" in it so that he can decide which one he stands for. A prominent appearance on Molson's newest "I am Canadian/je suis Canadien" advertisement. A flight courtesy of a flying monkey around Canada.

To Sheila Copps, a cork, a sock, pie ... anything! She will know where to put it.

To all Canadians, a memory, as people seem to have forgotten that Paul Martin was "cutting the budgets" like crazy a decade ago. Suddenly, he's the defender of our socialist ideals? And a giant foam finger so we can better wave our indignation for all of the wrongs we the people have suffered. It would say "#1," in both French and English.

To the Conservative party, a platform. Running a "we're not them" campaign will not work as most people prefer the devil they know.

To the NDP, The Wealth of Nations so they can reminise about 'what was once' over a cup of joe and a box of Tim bits, because a 'Hortons will be the only place the NDP Party will be able to afford after January 23.

Later,
Kenaz