You Have Got To Be Kidding!

How would we ever get by without warning labels like this: “Ovenware will get hot when used in oven”?

And many people were probably spared from serious burns after reading this helpful advisory on a heat gun that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees: “Do not use this tool as a hair dryer”.

In an increasingly litigious society, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) has been handing out awards for these blatantly obvious product recommendations for nine years, and the heat gun advisory won this year’s Wacky Warning Label Contest.

The second place prize went to a warning on a kitchen knife that reads: “Never try to catch a falling knife.” Perhaps the company that produces the product was just protecting itself against customers who aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer.

In an apparent effort to ward off angry tourists who lost their way in the waters around Hilton Head Island in South Carolina after consulting its map printed on cocktail napkins, an eatery printed the following advisory under it: “Caution. Not to be used for navigation.” That notice won third prize.

There were also some interesting honourable mentions in this year’s contest, including a little piece of advice on an unusual product.

The warning on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep pests away from the garden says “Not for human consumption.”

“Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president, said on the group’s website.

“An unpredictable legal system – in which judges allow anyone to file a lawsuit on almost any theory – has created a need for product makers to plaster wacky warnings on everything. When judges see it as their job to dismiss cases that are rooted in frivolous theories, we’ll see fewer wacky labels and more fairness in the courts.”

There are several silly lawsuits that have been filed over the years, including a case cited on the M-LAW website where a man was awarded $50,000 after he sued a small company that makes basketball nets.

The amateur b-ball player claimed the business was responsible when he got his teeth stuck in the net while he was dunking the ball.

If you thought this year’s entries were a hoot, here’s a look at some of the silliest entries M-LAW has received over the years:

* A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”

* A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."

* A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”

* A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”

* The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”

* A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”

* A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”

* A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”

* A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”

* A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”

* A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

* A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

HOW DUMB CAN WE BE?

You might want to know that there are a lot of people who — even when warned in plain English — have not a clue what they’ve been warned about.

A recent article in The New York Times revealed that, when it comes to warning labels — especially those on prescription medicines — many consumers misinterpret what they say.

Researchers interviewed hundreds of healthy, English-speaking adults, showed them actual warning stickers, then asked them to explain what the sticker meant.

The results were scary.

For example, volunteers were shown a warning sticker that advises “Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole.” Seems pretty clear, doesn’t it? Maybe to you, but not to study participants. Many of them thought the label meant they should chew the pill and crush it before swallowing. Others thought the label meant the drug was “just for your stomach.” One participant said the sticker advised users to “chew it up so it will dissolve, don’t swallow whole or you might choke.”

Another sticker, “For external use ONLY,” was interpreted to mean “Medicine will make you feel dizzy” and “Take only if you need it.” Some thought the drug was radioactive.

With those kind of results, it’s no wonder manufacturers feel it’s in their best interests to warn against virtually anything. Still, with those kind of results, you have to wonder if ANY warning label could achieve the desired result.

At least one company seems to understand just how little the average consumer truly comprehends. It makes a laser pointer. An accompanying label cautions, “Do not look into laser with remaining eye.”

Is this gods idea of natural selection?

Later,
Kenaz