New board game comes with sobering message

The son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius is peddling a board game titled "Don't Drop the Soap," a prison-themed game he created as part of a class project at the Rhode Island School of Design.

John Sebelius, 23, has the backing of his mother and father, U.S. Magistrate Judge Gary Sebelius. Apparently both parents "are very proud of their son John's creativity and talent."

Picture of the game board.


The game can be bought here for $34.99.

"Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss' lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse's desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole."

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Game Includes:
* 19" x 19" Don't Drop The Soap™ Gameboard
* 5 Collectible Criminal Tokens
* 7 Decks of Prison Location Cards
* 7 Snap-On Location Icons
* Soap Dish Parole Card Holder
* Deck of Parole Cards
* Stack of Play Cigarettes
* Pair of Dice
* Book of Instructions

A game to be played with a group of your closest friends. The ones who like to play nice and slow because that's how they like it, nice and slow. You know, the ones that you have gotten to know over the last 3-5 years.

Later,
Kenaz

Teacher Accused Of Stapling Paper To Student's Head

I don't do to many bizarre news stories, but when you find stories like this you can't resist. This is straight out of the what the f***K is your malfunction category.

A fourth-grade teacher's aide in Indiana has resigned after he was accused of trying to staple a piece of paper to a student's forehead.

The incident happened at Jefferson Elementary School in the Plymouth school district. Superintendent John Hill would not identify the aide or the class but confirmed the story and said: "We're just sorry that it happened. We don't expect our people to behave in that manner. That person is no longer employed by the school corporation."

But Natalie Wilson, the fourth-grader's mother, is furious and tels the South Bend Tribune that the principal called her shortly before her daughter got on the school bus Monday, more than three hours after the incident occurred.

"I should have been told immediately," Wilson said. The mother said her daughter told her she had picked up a Post-It note from the floor and stuck it to her forehead. The teacher told her to remove the paper from her forehead or he would staple it there permanently.

But when the student failed to remove the paper, he approached her with a stapler and pushed it against her forehead.

Wilson says: There were "two holes in her head. It actually punctured her skin. This was not an accident."

Later,
Kenaz

Buying a dishwasher shouldn't be hard...

...but my little counter top dishwasher purchase turned into the quest for the holy grail for frig sakes. First I went looking for the perfect make and model for my kitchen that isn't equipped for a full built in model. A few clicks of the mouse and I found this Danby model. Perfect for me, energy efficient, the right price, things are going perfect. Than the wheels fell off, I wanted to buy in online and have it delivered. Four different American shopping websites, all said they shipped to Canada, hit the send order button, get an email back from each one saying oops! we said most products to Canada but not the one you want.

Two days later, I learn from the Danby site that a couple of stores in Hamilton carry this dishwasher, great! I phone Goemans Appliances, they don't sell this model. But! they say Walmart has it. I phoned Walmart at Eastgate, closest to me, they have one, but! its a display model and they can't sell it to me. I phoned the other Walmart's on Hamilton Mountain. First one don't have it, finally the second one has it. Oh please I beg! can I have it shipped down to Eastgate.

Oh sorry we really don't do that because it would require a manager to drive it down personally. I try my case, I don't drive and would be a costly cab ride. A little more chit chat and I throw in that I work for Hotz Environmental and we handle the removal of the freon in all Walmarts damaged fridges, air conditioners and the like.
I'm not sure if this did it, but at least I got her talking to a manager.

Long story short, that was Wednesday last week, I got a call back yes indeed I was getting it shipped down, but it will take five days. Great it only took god six days to create the world, five days to drive twenty minutes. Any way, I got a call yesterday afternoon while I was out in Westdale, to say the dishwasher was in. Finally! A bus trek across the city, which I almost didn't make uninjured. Along Main Street downtown some moron pulled right in front of the bus, I guess she needed a coffee or some oriental food real bad. If it wasn't for the drivers incredible reaction time, their would have been one less stupid person on the planet and my head would been permanently part of an HSR bus seat.

Anyway, I make to Walmart, can't find a salesperson in appliances, finally get the customer service women I talked to on the phone, she tracks down the dishwasher down on a truck. Apparently the donkey died that day or something, and it takes a good ten minutes for my washer to come up. Finally I get it purchased and head out the door. Oh no so fast! the clerk didn't scan it right and off goes the door buzzer. Sir can I see your receipt, asks the door monitor, I show it to her and I assure her, it I wanted to steal something I would pick something I could actually fit in my pocket.

Finally get the dishwasher home, hooked up and start washing. Of course the drain hose doesn't connect right and I get water all over my rug. Shut it off, reconnect the hose, finally some piece of mind and clean dishes. No wonder I downed a six pack.

Here's the beast that I finally tamed.


On a far more serious note, the entertainment and art world lost to greats this week. Condolences go out for Marcel Marceau and iconic artist Ken Danby. Danby known most famous for his work "At the Crease".

Later,
Kenaz

The Introvert partII-10 Ways to keep an introvert happy

If you want my attention, money or my loyalty here is my top ten ways you as a marketer or person can keep me and other introverts from wishing bad things would happen to you.

1.Don't invade my personal space-I don't like interruptions, uninvited visits or phone calls. I hate telemarketers, so much, my old answering machine message stated "If you are family, leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible, if you are trying to sell me something, hang up now!" It was quite effective, but a bit long. Anyway back to my point, extroverts will take the call, listen to your shpeel, politely tell you their not interested, four times! Then hang up, huff, puff, hit the high blood pressure button, yell, and curse the devil. Introverts get call display, get an answering machine and have your number blocked. Also they have no qualms whatsoever about hanging up on you or closing the door in your face. I'm not your friend I don't care if you think I'm rude.

2.Intoverts are info junkies-I would rather read those stupid ads on a bus than listen to someone yak non stop about their favourite ways to get drunk for fifteen minutes. So listen up marketers, put ads on buses that are interesting. Forget the booze ads, try ones that promote literacy and the arts. Or just try to sell me something I or the guy telling the dumb story can use mouthwash and deordarant.

3.I'm an introvert, just because I have an intent look on my face and don't say anything while you talk, it doesn't mean I'm brain dead!-Just because you talked to me doesn't mean I care a damn about what you have to offer. Make your point, and make it quick, if I'm interested I take your reading material and study it and get back to you if it interests me. This point is expecially for you religious groups who see fit to bug you at 8:00am on a Sunday in the middle of January. While not getting the hint to remove your foot from my door so I can close it and keep my heat in. You insist on wasting my time on stupid querries like do you think their is room in the world for more than one religious deity. Um, yes! You intolerant Judas goat!

4.The cute act doesn't cut it cookie!- Just because introverts tend to internalize and keep their personalities under raps, doesn't mean we don't have one. So don't act like a chihuahua on crack. Don't be giggly, peppy, over positive, enthusiastic or act like you just took the Tony Little motivation home course. Instead, be polite, know your stuff, get to the point, leave written material or menu and get lost.

5.Don't ASS-U-ME-As the old saying goes, or you the extrovert may end up getting my goat and looking like the donkey. Just because you may or may not hang out with important people and throw their names around like water, I don't care, it doesn't make me jealous because I don't know these people. Just because intoverts see no reason to window dress their egos like a two bit hooker and are willing to risk not getting ahead in the company because they aren't agressive in selling themselves, that doesn't mean they are losers, it just means me have the patience to wait until our skills sell themselves.

6.Once we make up our minds, that's it!-This means N O H Y P E. Not now! Not ever! Not only does brow beating not work, it is exhausting to introverts because we give energy while extroverts suck energy. When I get tired from hearing the same stupid thing over and over, I get irratable and annoyed. To quote Popeye, "I'se give, till I kansk take no more!" Than I start grabbing for the spinach!

7.Introverts are greatly afraid of making mistakes in public and don't like being humiliated-If you have something to say to me of a sensative or personal nature, do this in private. Give clear instructions and a demonstration of what you want. Then leave it with me and go! Don't hover over me. No matter how confident in my abilities I am you will make me feel like a child again.

8.Introverts hate small talk-With a passion! If you would like to make an excellent first impression, be polite and come quickly to the point. Above all, don't ask personal questions and by that I mean things that are none of your business, like where do you live, I don't want to invite you to my house.

9.Introverts hate rambling phone calls and cell phones are a neccessary evil not gods creation-Don't phone me and yak on about what your kids did in kindergarten, what you had for dinner or your beef with the hydro company. Surprise! I don't care! If I need to contact you, the introvert is an excellent writer of their thoughts, I will email you with a percise question and I expect the same in the form of a response.

Oh, please don't give me your facebook nickname, I'm not into instant chat and I don't want to be your buddy. I believe in the old ways of decorum when communicating, I hate bad grammer and stupid short hand, don't give me "lol" or I'll give you "wtf!".

While I'm on a role if I'm talking to you and your cell phone goes off, don't expect me to stand their while you yak. I'll get back to you when your not so busy.

10.Introverts say what they mean-If you haven't guessed. Please feel right at home and ad a comment if you wish. I may respond. Wink.

Later,
Kenaz

Garbage too smelly a reason not to pick it up?

This is no joke, this was an actual response to my querry to why my garbage was tagged as "over the weight limit" from Hamilton Waste Management. It made no sense to me, see if it does to you.

Email sent yesterday,

Wednesday is my trash pick up day. I placed a bag out today that contained cat litter that was tagged as being over the weight limit. This was not the first time this has happened, nor do I believe the last time. The reason, is not because my garbage is over the limit. The reason is because the person picking up my trash, for what ever reason, chooses not to take any bag that is too heavy for him, regardless of actual weight.

Proof being, I weighed my bag this time and it only weighed 39 pounds. Well below the 50 that is allowed.

The last time a bag of similar bag was refused, I was able to call and state my case. I stated then the bag was under the limit, but was left. I was told to split the bag up and leave it out the next day and it would be picked up. It wasn't. I had to have smelly cat litter sit in my basement for another week.

My point is, if you have a fifty pound limit, that I can easily carry out of the basement to the curb, why can't a man who I have personally seen, who weighs more than me at 175lbs take my trash and lift it into the truck?

Furthermore, I personally overheard this man as I was getting ready to exit my house to go to work at 7:45am tell his co-worker not to pick up my bag even though he was capable of doing so.

If the City of Hamilton is unable to find capable sanitation workers, than its time to review their policies. I hope this matter can be cleaned up, I do not like my garbage not to be picked because of a lazy city worker.

Reply, today from: Waste Management - Customer Service,

Thank you for your email.

I am curious as to how you are placing out your cat litter, can you please let me know if you are double bagging the material or are you mixing it in within your bags.I think the issue is more to do with the cat litter than anything.

What we ask is that you spread the cat litter in your bags, and double bag it so that the material is contained. If people put it out single bagged and separate then when the truck crushes the waste the feces, urine etc ends up spraying in their faces and they are breathing in this animal waste.

My email tonight, trying to make sense of this reply.

My litter is always first placed in kitchen bags then placed into two green garbage bags so that the odour is contained. I then sometimes place the bag(s) with my other garbage into a plastic can if it isn't too heavy. Odour has never been a reason given to refuse my garbage, as I said it was erroneously the weight. I work at Hotz Environmental so I'm well aware of the smell of ammonia as well as the precautions that should be taken to avoid getting a face full of it. I've had the same problem with this driver, and each time got a different excuse to why the trash was tagged or just left. The weight is fine and I'm sorry garbage smells. I pay city taxes and expect proper trash pick up, I hope this matter is settled.

Stay tuned to "Kenaz's Blog" because ur-in the bag to know the conclusion(?) of this odourific tale. I'm sorry I'm not very puny.

Later,
Kenaz

Oh, so sorry!, wrong number

This dumb ass makes the guy who grabbed the cash box off a GO bus in Hamilton and was found by cops sitting in the bus shelter with the box and a bag of drugs last week, look like a rocket scientist.

In Gulfport, Florida investigators arrested a 14-year-old boy who dialed a wrong number. Th punk offered to sell drugs to the person on the other end, who happened to be a police detective.

After the call, the detective arranged to meet the teen in the parking lot of a school to buy an ounce of marijuana and some crack cocaine. When swifty showed up he was charged with possession of 18 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school.

The detective's phone number is unlisted, and there were no similar numbers found in the boy's cell phone, police. Detectives said the boy, likely dialed a random number looking for a customer.

What ever happened to phoning people at random and asking if their fridge was running?

Later,
Kenaz

For pete's sake, say no to drugs!

Or you will end up like the Toronto loser whom Hamilton cops charged with theft and drug charges after a strange series of events at the McMaster University GO TRANSIT complex.

Police say a GO bus driver had left his bus for a washroom break yesterday afternoon. When the driver returned, he found the bus' doors had been pried open and the cash box was missing. Several students pointed the finger of blame at a man sitting in nearby bus shelter. McMaster Security approached the 22 year-old, who admitted the theft. While making the arrest, officers noticed a bag next to the man who denied it was his. A search of the bag turned up a quantify of crystal meth, ecstasy and a suspected date-rape drug. Also in the bag (dum-de-dum-really dum) ... the Toronto man's I-D. Doh!

Later,
Kenaz

Excuse me sir, is that a monkey in your pants?

Wildlife smuggling is a lucrative business for smugglers willing to take the risks.
the trafficking in illegal imports racks up $8 billion to $10 billion US a year in sales. Hot commodities for trade include rare butterflies, birds, fish, snakes and mammals. Some are bought by sleazy collectors or dealers in exotic pets. Other creatures, or their parts, are destined to be consumed as aphrodisiacs or food. Many animals die en route, of course, and even those that survive can rarely be returned to their homes.

One man arrested at Los Angeles International Airport after an 18-hour trip from Asia had two lesser slow lorises, or pygmy monkeys, stuffed into his underwear. When inspectors opened some of his luggage, birds of paradise flew out. His travelling companion had a pair of leopard cats in his backpack, Johns told the New York Times. Another man is accused of smuggling reptiles from South Asia in his prosthetic leg.

Later,
Kenaz

" Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote"

This is one of many humorous excerpts from actual student essays that I found on a crazy news sight. First, in timely Easter fashion I bring you some students (mis)take on biblical history.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

-yum straw bread, delicious and calorie free.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

-I often quote from the book of Guiness or two and then need to visit Mount Montezuma.

Now some other interesting historical facts that I wasn't aware of.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

-That book Karl, Harpo and Groucho wrote "Communist Manifesto" was a real laugher.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

-Did the Greeks invent the Olympics or the eating competition? Bloody unruly Democracy!

And lastly, a couple of prose that deal with royalty of sorts, a Knighted explorer and a Knight of the quill. Unfortunately these two nights of the round bowl must of conjured their masterpieces while sitting on the throne.

In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

-No wonder Hamlet was such a dark brooding guy, he couldn't even relieve himself without being ridiculed!

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

-Insert your own joke here.

Later,
Kenaz

Dead wrong or creativity

Artists are often inspired by the most unusual objects and ideas but some inspirations border on the plane morbid and wrong. A project from Eindhoven's Design Academy in the Netherlands takes inspiration from funerals and ways of remembering the dead. Some of the exhibits like Bleeding 'till Death, borrow ideas from ancient cultures who's loved ones erect living memorials to the dead. The piece features flowers arranged like bed-ridden patients and attached to transfusion pouches filled with dye. Another piece consists of seeds for every person who has died in war, to be planted in their memory.

Then their is the truly obsurd, Merel Vantellingen turns ashes into pencils, and then prints the name of the deceased or an inspirational message on them, alluding to the idea of messages being written from beyond the grave. Vantellingen even envisions the pencil being used as part of a spinning top, that leaves mysterious messages after it starts spinning.

This is similar to a story I heard last year about a company called LifeGem who offers clients the opportunity to take their deceased loved one's ashes and have them pressed into a "memorial diamond" which can be turned into a piece of jewelry.

I couldn't fathom using a pencil made from a deceased loved one or wearing a diamond made from them. Call me wacky, put I think a picture is suffice or a tattoo if you wish something permanent. I dunno, to each their own.

Later,
Kenaz

Possible new slogans for Hamilton

Hamilton is in the midst of a search for a catchy new slogan. Seems everyone from politicians and reporters to business professor's have their idea to what catch phrase encapsulates Hamilton's unique character.

Together Strive - Together Achieve was boring. Reach, dream, rise, shine sounded like a ad campaign for a workout video. And The Ambitious City? Not exactly new.

Some of the lame slogans being offered include, Hamilton, Your Future's Calling (probably collect), Little Mountain, Big Heart(talk about alienating everyone in the rest of the city). City By The Bay? (isn't that San Francisco's motto?)

Failed Mayoral candidate Mark-Alan Whittle offered this bell ringer to the Hamilton Spectator sponsored slogan contest, Hamilton: Get Used To It. It may not win but it got me thinking, so here's my list of slogans.

Hamilton:Come smell the winds of change.
Hamilton:A different shade of green (giving Hamilton credit for the amount of green space we have for an industrial city, albeit the polution has turned it all grey)
Hamilton:Grittiness that gets under your skin.
Hamilton:At least we don't suck!
Hamilton:We do trailor trash well (just take a walk downtown any given summer day, beer guts, tatoos and tube tops, and that's just the women)
Hamilton:Toronto light.

and one last one, a slogan that speaks for our cities attitude, Hammer Time is anytime we damn well please.

Later,
Kenaz

'Celebrity' looks didn't help this loser

You can't make this stuff up.
E.T should have stayed home!

Police in Hamilton made a quick arrest in connection with a robbery, after the suspect was described by his victims as resembling a character from a movie. A couple was robbed of cash inside an apartment on Wellington Street South early by a pair of men, 1 of whom was armed with a hand gun.

The victims, in their words, told police the primary suspect resembled ET -- The Extra Terrestrial. Once the description was put out by police, a cab driver called to say he'd just dropped off a man resembling ET.

A short time later police found a man, matching said description, and found a hand gun in a nearby garbage bin. 24-year-old Patrick Hoover of no fixed address has now been charged with robbery.

Later,
Kenaz

Kenaz's Twelve Days of Christmas (on the cheap)

Booming commercial construction is sparking demand for ornamental trees, leading to a 44 percent increase in the price of a pear tree, which helped push the price for buying all the items in the "The Twelve Days of Christmas," up 3.1 percent to $18,920.59 US according to a CNN study.

With the cost of gift giving ever on the rise and for those like me who don't think Christmas giving should place you in the poor house. I offer you my rendition of the popular carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas" for working stiffs like me. All the gifts are legitimate items that I found on E-Bay. Total cost $65.67 + $50.00 Shipping! (I'm serious)

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
The Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
The Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Cow Milk Maids 1000 Piece Jigsaw,
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine lady bears dancing ornament
Cow Milk Maids 1000 Piece Jigsaw,
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping Christmas glass for your tooth brushes,
Nine lady bears dancing ornament
Cow Milk Maids 1000 Piece Jigsaw,
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven year old WWE Rowdy Roddy Piper T-Shirt,
Ten lords a-leaping Christmas glass for your tooth brushes,
Nine lady bears dancing ornament
Cow Milk Maids 1000 Piece Jigsaw,
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve neon drummers ear plugs,
Eleven year old WWE Rowdy Roddy Piper T-Shirt,
Ten lords a-leaping Christmas glass for your tooth brushes,
Nine lady bears dancing ornament
Cow Milk Maids 1000 Piece Jigsaw,
Seven swans cell phone face plate,
An ugly silk six geese flying tie,
Five golden onion rings from Harvy's, sorry I'm getting kind of hungry.
A how to call hunting birds video ,
Three styrofoam hens covered in feathers,
A two turtle dove coin from the Isle of Man,
And the Partridge Family Christmas CD and a pack of Bradford pear tree seeds!

Happy Hollidays,
Kenaz

"Devilish" battle with social security

While searching through a box of old stuff I found this humerous newspaper clipping from a few years ago. I thought I'd post it here for your amusement.

A couples 1-year old daughter finally got rid of the mark of the beast-- the 666 part of her Social Security number.

The Orange County, Calif. couple have been warring for months with the Social Security Administration to get a new number for religious reasons.

"Christians are supposed to refuse the mark of the beast,"

said the mother, 30, a pharmaceutical company representative. The 666 reference is found in Revelation 13:18. It's a common theme in santanic movies such as The Omen.

However at the Social Security Administration, a 1994 policy prohibits changes sought for religious, cultural or superstitious reasons. Numbers 666 and 13 prompt most requests for changes.

"When we saw the couples case was even being discussed in the Ann Landers advice column, we knew it was a big-time headache,"

said the regional Social Security spokesman in San Francisco.

"The commissioner said to give the couple's baby a new card and we'd worry about the rules later,"

said the spokesman. The agency sent the new card. In light of this case, the commissioner has called for a policy review.

The couple felt so strongly about the 666 number that they did not claim their daughter on income tax forms. They will file an amended return with the new number.

Later,
Kenaz

Be a cool cat. Not a dumb rat

This weekend I've drawn a couple of new cartoons depicting my take on the scourge that taken over our society. Once again it features my lovable cat friends telling you that there's nothing wrong with being a hard working blue collar worker and contributor to society. Meanwhile the "Dead Rats" prove that there is everything wrong in believing in the gang life.



Dedicated to Eugene Kelly

Later,
Kenaz

Stupid celebrities of the week

This week there was not one, not two, but a tri-fecta of celebrities afflicted with the dreaded "idiotitis" disease. The symptoms include, unexplained actions and verbal diarrhea.

The first outbreak of this potential career killer feld Michael Richards, former Seinfeld co-star. During a stand-up routine he called two black hecklers the n-word and then paced across the stage taunting the men for interrupting his show, peppering his speech with racial slurs and profanities. Moderating his tone at one point, Richards tells the audience, It shocks you, it shocks you and refers to what lays buried.

Once the "fever" died down the one character wonder went on national television and tried desperately to apologize and convey that he is not a racist. Nice try, not buying it, "No soup for you!". Or in his case, soup might be the only thing Richard's will be able to afford if the clubs don't let him back.

The second outbreak occurred when day time talk host Kelly Ripa made a comment that was conscrewed as a homophobic remark.

Clay Aiken was co-hosting with Ripa and became annoyed by her gift of the gab and covered Ripa's mouth with his hand during an interview on Friday's show. Ripa pushed his hand away.

Oh, I'm in trouble, said the 27-year-old American Idol star, to which Ripa responded, No, I just don't - I don't know where that hand's been, honey.

The poop really hit the fan when fellow daytime talk show co-host Rosie O'Donnell accused her of making a homophobic comment. Ripa phoned the show and tried to claim that O'Donnell was misunderstanding the comment and offered this rebuttal.

"He's shaking hands with everybody in the audience. I mean, it's cold and flu season. That's what I meant"

The furor will die down, and the two will appear together on an episode of "Celebrity Death Match". Two bad it won't be "celebrity Boxing". I would love to see Rosie knock the stuffing out of the annoying muppet.

Finally, the worse case of "Idiotitis" in known history, knocked the crap out of O.J Simpson.

Simpson says "the only thing he is guilty of is trying to get out of debt and provide for his children."

The former football star said in interviews that he deserved criticism for his part in the If I Did It book and interview deal. He said any profit from the book would be blood money, but he needed to pay his bills. It's all blood money and unfortunately I had to join the jackals, Simpson said, referring to authors of books about him. It helped me get out of debt and secure my homestead.

Good lord! I haven't heard that much mental masturbation since the Europeans conned the Natives out of all their land for a bag of beads. If O.J is so desperate for money maybe he can sell some crap on Ebay like normal people do.

Thank god Fox Broadcasting and publisher Harper Collins, cancelled the project this week and condemned it as revolting and exploitive.

Well that's all for now.

Later,
Kenaz

Top 5 Best Performances as The Count

On this day; all Hallows' Eve; I bring you my Top 5 picks of the best performances of the famous man in the black cloak from Transylvania.

Who can forget this 1980's character who was as famous as Tony the Tiger, unfortunately the cereal taste like soggy sofa cushion stuffings.

Count Chocula

Hands down the best performance and creepiest rendition.

Max Shreck-Nosferatu 1922

I put this selection ahead of Oldman's not because it was the most athentic portrayal of Stoker's character, but because it gave birth to a ledgend that will be never forgotten.

Bela Lugosi 1931

Lugosis' Dracula was the modern adaptation with the cloak and the campy movements and dialogue, Oldman brought the character back to its dark Victorian roots and provided the purest rendition.

Gary Oldman 1992

Christopher Lee was the genesis for Oldmans' count. Portraying the count as the romantic rather than the monster.

Christopher Lee 1958

And as a bonus, who could forget this classic pop culture icon, "The Count" from "Sesame Street" Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Count from Sesame Street.

Have a happy Halloween, me I'm off to the plant for another afternoon shift.

Later,
Kenaz

A Dogs Lunch

In many urban centres plagues of vermon have taken once respectable nebourhoods and reduced them to bleak, dirty sespools of crime, gangs, drugs and violence. This cartoon depicts the future if we start now. A stand against these "dogs of war" and turning our communities from a dogs lunch back into the cats meow.



Later,
Kenaz

So you think being a mascot is fun?

Talk about getting no respect!

It's been a tough few weeks for the guy inside the Hamilton Tiger Cat mascot outfit.

First, his football team spends the season losing ugly. Then he gets laid off from his job at the Ford plant in Oakville. And last week he gets the kicker to the whole package when he's robbed of his rent money while performing at the Canadian Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony at City Hall.

During the 90-minute function, his wallet was in his pants in an office at the hall of fame. When he returned, he noticed his credit cards had been rearranged and the cash was gone.

It's an especially cruel kick in the butt for a guy -- he's not allowed to make his name public -- who does more than 200 appearances a year to promote the team and the city. He drives all over the place, dances around in his microwave-hot costume as often as three times in a day, washes it constantly to keep it from stinking, and gives up much of his free time to the cause for just a few bucks and some gift certificates from the team.

All because he likes the reaction he gets from kids who light up when they see him. Nice way to get thanked.

Later,
Kenaz

Pluto bashing is wrong!

Pluto was officially demoted from his planet sized stature to that of dwarf last week. When asked for comment Pluto could only shake his head and mutter "its always about the size, they said it didn't matter" It could also have to do with his constant wobble and his erratic behavior.

Pluto was never one for following the path of the norm. Unlike his other counterparts, Pluto strolled through the cosmos on his own elliptical path, often crossing in the path of the much larger bodies.

The New Horizons mission, was asked whether it still planned to visit Pluto in 2015. No word has been released from the New Horizons project noting whether or not Pluto's demoted status would have affected their visit, funding or prestige. Luckily the visit was planned from Earth in January of this year before this change in stature.

It's just like the busy bodies on Earth to bully those much smaller themselves and use their "big dog status" to strip this little guy of his dignity. Shame on you! Remember it's not the size of the dog that counts, it's the fight in the dog that matters. And damn it Pluto has plenty of fight! Stuck way out their in the cold void would effect anyone's equilibrium and make them wobble a little bit and hey, what's the matter with taking a different journey through life.

God sakes! Show some humanity, Pluto is a little planet, not a dwarf!

Later,
Kenaz